Helping Boys Understand Their Role
From the earliest days of youth, boys are on a path to becoming men. But what does it truly mean to hold the title of a man? Historically and biologically, men have been seen as the head of the family—providers, presiders, patriarchs, dads, fathers. Yet, embracing these roles does not confer the right to dominate. Instead, it is a call to serve, a concept beautifully captured by C.S. Lewis when he compared the husband’s role to Christ’s love for the Church:
"The husband is the head of the wife just in so far as he is to her what Christ is the Church. He is to love her as Christ loved the Church—and gave his life for her (Eph. V, 25). This headship, then, is most fully embodied not in the husband we should all wish to be but in him whose marriage is most like a crucifixion; whose wife receives most and gives least, is most unworthy of him, is—in her own mere nature—least lovable. For the Church has no beauty but what the Bridegroom gives her; he does not find, but makes her, lovely. The chrism of this terrible coronation is to be seen not in the joys of any man's marriage but in its sorrows, in the sickness and sufferings of a good wife or the faults of a bad one, in his unwearying (never paraded) care or his inexhaustible forgiveness: forgiveness, not acquiescence. As Christ sees in the flawed, proud, fanatical or lukewarm Church on earth that Bride who will one day be without spot or wrinkle, and labours to produce the latter, so the husband whose headship is Christlike (and he is allowed no other sort) never despairs."
In this light, the true role of a man within the romantic and familial setting is to elevate, to refine, to cherish—not to suppress or to overshadow.
Finding the Edge of Danger
To nurture the virtues of a man, a boy must be taught to balance courage with caution, strength with gentleness. This balance can be visualized as living on the “edge of danger,” where he must be capable of defending and expanding the realms of safety for himself and others.
- For those who stray too far into danger, becoming threats rather than protectors, we must call them back, guiding them to understand the power and responsibility that comes with their strength.
- For those too hesitant to approach the edge, leaving themselves and others vulnerable, we must encourage and sometimes push them to face challenges and overcome fears.
The goal is to raise boys who can confidently straddle this edge, face life’s challenges head-on, and actively push danger away, not just for their own sake but for the safety and well-being of all around them.
Confronting Modern Challenges
Modern times bombard young men with myriad challenges that can distract or derail their development:
- Confusing philosophies that contradict traditional values.
- Distractions like pornography, which can warp their understanding of relationships; video games, which can isolate them from real-world interactions; and materialism, which prioritizes possessions over character.
- Demeaning societal views on their natural roles as leaders and protectors.
In facing these challenges, it is essential to provide boys with practical ways to cultivate their roles responsibly and respectfully, embracing their potential as men of integrity and honor.
All Hands on Deck
Raising boys into men is not a task for the solitary. It requires a community, a collective of voices and hands, guiding, teaching, and supporting each other. Through this website and the discussions it hopes to foster, may we all find the support and wisdom needed to navigate this essential, rewarding journey.